Anxiety*
As an emotion, anxiety is a healthy reaction mechanism that arises in all of us when we are in an emergency situation. Our body goes into a state of alertness in order to effectively deal with the threat of death. Etymologically, the word "anxiety" comes from the Greek word "ἄγχω," which means "to strangle" or "to choke," which is why this emotion is often expressed through the sensation of tightness and suffocation. Anxiety is an emotion that emerges as a response to what we are experiencing. Therefore, we could divide it into two parts: the source of the anxiety on one hand, and anxiety as a reaction mechanism on the other.
Through the therapeutic process, we explore where the anxiety comes from and what causes it, in order to address the primary need that triggers it and to feel safe. At the same time, we learn new ways to handle our more or less anxiety-inducing daily lives so that we do not allow the emotion to overwhelm us, but rather learn to control and manage it.
There are various expressions and shades of anxiety, the most common being the kind we feel when dealing with daily challenges, sometimes more intense and other times milder.
Chronic anxiety, which makes us dysfunctional in our daily lives, puts us in a constant state of tightness and suffocation, causing us to live as if we are continuously under the threat of death, even though our life is not actually at risk.
Depression*
When an emotion is too painful or too frightening to endure and feel, we isolate it. We sever our connection to the emotion, which leads to a sense of numbness due to the absence of sensations. This is one of the characteristics of depression.
We often interpret depression as deep sadness. In reality, the opposite is true. It arises because, by cutting off our connection to this painful emotion that torments us, only the numbness of its absence remains. With the absence of feelings, the driving force for life is lost. It feels like nothing has meaning anymore. Whatever we do offers nothing because it is our sensations that bring color to our life. Imagine life without taste: suddenly, whatever we eat makes no difference. Food loses its value, and soon, there is no reason to eat except for survival.
The goal is to gradually restore our sensations and, along with them, our emotions. Through the therapeutic relationship, emphasis is placed on safety and empowerment so that we can endure experiencing all our emotions. By enduring the sharpness and harshness of feelings, the mechanism of isolation and disconnection that led us to depression ceases to be useful. Thus, depression is eliminated as it no longer serves a purpose, and beauty and color return to our lives.
Loss and Grief*
We all inevitably encounter loss from a very early age.
Grief is the process we go through to come to terms with separation and endings. Separation is a difficult moment because it connects us to the concept of endings, and every ending reminds us of death. The mechanism of separation is the same, whether we part with a beloved pencil or a loved one. What differs is the intensity of the separation. Therefore, what varies each time is the strength required from us to endure the emotions that accompany an ending.
The strength required to face an ending and all the emotions it brings is a necessary stage in our development because only through endings can something new be born.
The end of a pregnancy brings birth, the end of a relationship brings the next, the end of a situation leads to a new one, and the end of our life creates space for a new life.
The ability to endure loss allows us not to remain stuck and ultimately trapped in the painful emotions of grief.
Through the therapeutic relationship, we gain greater endurance to the pains of loss so that no stage of separation needs to be suppressed. With the completion of grief, something new is always born. Thus, we can move forward to brighter parts of life. Regardless of the counselor's technique, the primary goal is the care and support of the client, so they are strengthened and able to endure endings and loss, preparing them for the birth of something new.
Sleep Difficulties*
Sleep difficulties are often a good indicator that something is being neglected or avoided, something we dare not face directly and push to the back of our minds. Sleep is a very unique moment because it requires us to let go. We cannot force ourselves to sleep. To fall asleep, we must surrender to it, which means momentarily losing control. This is when all the thoughts we may have pushed away or suppressed during the day can resurface. Sleep difficulties can even be connected to a fear of death.
Through therapy, we will focus on identifying the intruders that disturb relaxation. We will create a space in which the client can face them. This way, these thoughts will no longer need to sneak into consciousness like thieves, disrupting sleep. Instead, we want them to come as invited guests, sharing whatever they need to say, and we (the client together with the psychotherapist) will negotiate the relationship the client wants to have with them.
Panic attacks*
All of us have developed ways of coping with what we call life. A panic attack occurs when our existing coping mechanism fails to handle a specific situation, and the feelings of terror and helplessness violently intrude, overwhelming us.
When we reach what we call a panic attack, it signals that our current coping mechanism is no longer sufficient to resolve the issue, and we are forced to replace it with something more appropriate for the present. The mechanisms we once built, like outdated software, no longer support us. It is necessary to reconstruct the way we perceive ourselves and the world. This is an extremely frightening moment because we are experiencing a small death—the old dies so that the new can be born. It is also a highly sensitive and vulnerable moment, as we are exposed to influences without having yet built new defenses.
The psychotherapist, with great care and respect for the client who dares to renegotiate the values of their life, helps and guides them to regain control of themselves and, in a way, be reborn, like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. We work on understanding what has ended, how and why it ended, and what will be born in its place.
Relationship Issues*
Connection with another person is one of the most defining choices that can transform an indifferent and lonely universe into one filled with love, connection, and meaning.
At the same time, it is a choice that brings many gifts, but also many sacrifices and risks. Connecting with someone can only happen by offering the necessary trust to the other person, which requires us to make ourselves vulnerable. This automatically means that we allow ourselves to be exposed to the pain of loss and separation, even if it comes at the end of our life. By choosing to connect, we simultaneously choose the inevitable loss. The price is indeed great.
Who we choose to have by our side, how we made that choice, and why we continue to want or no longer want them are decisions that must be made with great awareness. This is essential for the relationship to transform into the paradise it promises, rather than into a hell with no escape.
Through the therapeutic relationship, we learn to recognize how we connect, when we allow it, and when we block it. With this awareness comes the strengthening of our resilience to expose ourselves to another person, enabling us to give and receive the love we deeply desire.
The ability to connect with another person is the most powerful tool we have against life's challenges.
The Importance of Sexuality*
Humans need connection and relationships with others. Studies have shown that this need is as vital as food and water. Connection means exposure, vulnerability, and letting go, all of which involve significant risks.
Sexuality is one of the most direct and literal ways to connect with another person. As an act, it embodies in its purest and most genuine form all our expectations, fears, and struggles with letting go and trusting another person. Thus, sexual difficulties serve as indicators of challenges we face in other areas of our lives. They act as gifts, reminding us that something requires more attention so that we can achieve what we deeply crave—connection.
Through therapy, we uncover the fears or risks that block us from "letting go" in intimate encounters. With the support of the psychotherapist, we gain the strength to tolerate the inherent risks of every connection and to fully enjoy the sexual experience with another person.
*If I identify that any of the above topics exceed my abilities as a psychotherapist, I refer the client either to a psychiatrist I collaborate with or to a professional specialized in the relevant issue.
All the above texts stem from personal study and experience. Under no circumstances do they replace, either wholly or partially, the official definitions of the DSM.*